As rare as they are, I love those moments.
Moments like this, when I am able to watch him. I keep looking at his face, nobody notices. They think I'm reading, turning my back to the passageway between the seats, to catch a glimpse of light from the dim lamps on the ceiling of this crippled bus. But in fact I just turned slightly so I can watch him.
He's fast asleep, one of his earphones dangling from his shoulder, the other still in place. What is he listening to? I lean closer, but I can't quite place the music coming from the little white plug. I try to get a look on the tiny screen of his iPod, but he is still holding it in his hands. I know he wouldn't notive me taking it away, once he's asleep it takes more than a quick mp3-player-stealing to wake him up.
I shift slightly, my back is aching. The way I'm sitting here is absolutely not good for my bones, but it's the only way to watch him without being caught by the others. Especially Aoi would make a fuss over it... I don't know what went wrong in his mental development, but he doesn't seem to have grown up much, when it comes to things like that. He is the first one to grin like a maniac when one of us is talking to a girl for more than two minutes, or if Reita for example offers to give Kai a ride, since they live in the same street, he's the one laughing and making jokes about them stopping at a love hotel or something. Maybe he's just like that because he's sexually frustrated? I don't know...and actually I don't care. I don't give a damn about his childish teasing, normally it would be okay. I just don't want him to catch me watching Reita.
They all know I like men and woman equally, though I never had a serious relationship with another man. I remember when they caught me kissing a man after a concert when we were celebrating in a little bar. I was terrified, afraid of what they might think now. It hadn't been a problem at all, besides Aoi's little jokes and teasing. I don't take it personally though.
A blondish head rises above back level of his seat, Ruki grins at me. He still wears his makeup, he's always too lazy to remove it properly. He will look like shit tomorrow morning, with the black mascara and eyeliner all smeared around his eyes.
"Cute when he's asleep, ne? Wouldn't suspect this pertly mouth of his when you don't know him, ne?"
I just nod, wondering if Ruki suspects anything. He is always very attentive about his surroundings, especially for the ones he calls his friends. I try to look neutral.
"You know what I'm missing now for... well, about twenty minutes?"
"No, tell me..."
"The sound of you turning the pages of your beloved manga."
I gulp and raise an eyebrow. Just pretend to be clueless, that's the trick Uruha!
"I'm sorry?"
"Well, never mind... just keep watching."
With that said, he sits down again, disappearing from my sight. Damn Ruki for noticing things even if they happen behind his back!
I turn around, looking over to Aoi and Kai, both sleeping. Aoi's head is rested on Kai's shoulder, his hand had fallen into our drummers lap, dangerously close to his crotch. I should take a picture of this, what a great opportunity to take revenge for Aoi's teasings.
Just then, Ruki rises from his seat again, his cellphone in his hand. He grins and gestures into their direction, then he takes some pictures of the 'couple'. Trust Ruki to take the chance, I'll thank him later.
Knowing Aoi and Kai fast asleep and Ruki knowing it anyway, I put away this stupid manga and continue my favorite hobby at the moment: Reita-watching.
His hair is already losing its typical form, some bangs hanging down loosely. In fact, I'm surprised his hair is still that good, he should be called the king of head banging today evening. He got totally exited during the concert, jumping around, throwing his head from side to side. He sometimes is like that, sometimes he's not. Unpredictable when it comes to things such as music and performance. He went completely wild today, sometimes I wonder how his face wrap survives this. I look at his face even closer.
I must admit, I almost forgot how he looks without this stupid piece of cloth. I still don't know why he wears it all the time. There is nothing wrong with his face, or his nose. If he just thinks it looks cool... okay, it does. But he wears it all the time, even when we practice or go to a nearby bar to drink something after a live. I often wondered if maybe he doesn't like his nose, after all he hides his left eye, too. He does because of this little dark dot right beside his iris. A birthmark right in ones eye is rare, it makes him special I think. Not that he needs something to be special... But he doesn't like it, so he let his hair grow to cover it.
So what's left for me to admire? His right eye and his lips. His lips, oh my god. Actually, his mouth is the part of his face I watch most of the time. His unusually dark lips have the most perfect shape I've ever seen. Not as puffy as mine, not as broad as Aoi's, not pouty like Ruki's or thin like Kai's. They are unique, utterly beautiful. Especially when he smiles this typical smile of his. You know these drawings where there are two pictures combined in one, and you have to stare at the picture for hours to see the other one hidden in this one? Reita's smile is just like one of those drawings. If you'd take a picture of him smiling, you could see an other emotion every time you look at it. If you want to, you can see sadness in his smile, or embarrassment, you could detect shyness, mischievousness, warmth, amusement... maybe it's just me, and the others know exactly what it is behind his smile, for I'm a dumbass and they know him, or it is because three quarters of his face are hardly visible... I don't know. I just think it's interesting.
His lips twitched for a second, he's dreaming. For some perverse reasons, I feel a shiver running down my spine at this sight. I wonder how his lips would feel on my skin... what I could do to make this beautiful lips of his twitch...
My eyes wander down, to his neck. I don't know if this is an adjective that can be used to describe ones neck if you're not a vampire, but I think his neck looks delicious. If I could be sure he doesn't wake up, if there wasn't the danger to get caught in the act, I'd lean over and first kiss his lips, then taste his neck.
God, that's just sick.
I look out of the window, we are nearing the city. So we'll arrive soon... I hate arriving at the next hotel at night. Grumpy band mates, heavy baggage, stressed staff. And once we will have checked in, no Reita-watching anymore. He will share a room with Ruki, for they are best friends and really close to each other - not too close, luckily. I will have to put up with Aoi and Kai, both hyperactive when they are tired. Getting them to sleep soon is nealy impossible, Aoi'll want to check out everything and Kai will be busy babbling over this oh-so-cool hotel. Normally this is quite okay with me, I'd joke around with them and be much too loud, but tonight I just don't like the idea of those two fooling around. Not sure why I am being the grumpy one now...
Something next to my leg starts to vibrate, I almost die from the shock. Reitas phone seems to have fallen from his pocket and is now lying between us. I pick it up, take a glance on the display. It's his fucking girlfriend. How can somebody be so damn stupid and rude to call at this time of the night? I don't think long about what to do, I just switch his phone off. Stupid girl, bad luck for her. My deepest sympathies.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate her because I have a tiny little crush on Reita, it's just that... well, the others don't like her, too. She is much too fangirlish, I don't think she is good enough for Reita. Not even close. I hope he'll realize that soon enough.
The bus jumps a little, Reita's head hits the window. That must have hurt! But he's still asleep. Nothing could wake him up once he's asleep... strange guy.
I sigh and turn my head, just to look right into Ruki's smiling face. He's leaning over the back of his seat again, his intense stare directed at me. He doesn't say anything, he just looks at me. I start to feel nervous, for how long has he been watching me?
"You know Uru-chan, sometimes touching is allowed."
The irritated expression on my face must have been priceless, for he laughs quietly, shakes his head and sits down again. Damn him...
We will be at the hotel soon, so I start packing my few things. My mangas, my discman, my little pillow...
All the while I try to banish Reita from my mind, but I don't make it.
He's always there, in my thoughs, my fantasies, my dreams. I wish he'd feel the same way about me.
I feel him moving now, he's stuffing his things into his bag. Done staring at me? Thank God... I thought I couldn't take it anymore, I felt his stare on me the entire time. I know Ruki knows I was awake the whole time, but I'm sure Uruha doesn't suspect me pretending.
Ruki's comment about touching being allowed almost did it, I felt the extreme urge to jump up and smash something heavy into my buddy's little face. Idiot.
I hoped he'd help me a little, maybe offer Uruha to share his room with me tonight, just for once. I really want to be alone with him, he owes me two hours of intense survey, for I let him stare at me for the past hours, too.
Maybe I wouldn't be content with just watching...
Sometimes touching is allowed.
But I won't. I won't even have the guts to ask Ruki or Uruha to change habits tonight.
"Ah, Uruha, by the way... I want to take some more pictures of our lovebirds tonight, collecting evidences you know? Would you mind me sharing the room with those two and you staying with Reita?"
"Erm... sure, why not..."
Ruki, sometimes I just love you.
